The Transition Game: Week 9

Welcome back!

I just completed the workbook section titled “A Goal is the Goal: Determining your Direction”. I was excited for this section as I have recognized my lack of direction and goals since hanging up my skates and the issues it has caused me. The times in my life when I had goals, direction, and a plan are the times I felt the happiest, I often felt invincible. I haven’t had much of any of that in the past year and as you can guess, I have been miserable and never felt weaker. The book asks a couple of questions to get you thinking before eventually leading you to create your bucket list. 

Here is what I have so far:

  • A long motorcycle trip with friends (W)
  • Complete the Lava Man with my buddy Tupps (W)
  • Get the sleeve tattoo I have been talking about for years (W)
  • Build a small house in the forest (W)
  • Travel (Iceland, Europe, Canada) (D)
  • More hikes and adventures with Mando (my puppy) (D)
  • Always have two rescued dogs for the rest of my life (starting when I have a yard) (W)
  • Live comfortably while working minimally (D)
  • Learn Muay Thai (D)
  • Dirtbike again (D)
  • Own small gun collection and practice consistently (D)
  • Own a Dodge Challenger Hellcat (W)

I look forward to what my facilitator has to say about my bucket list so far especially, the “D’s and W’s” or Desires and Wants. The next step after writing my list was placing either a D or a W after each item to help focus my attention. This allows me to start building an action plan for those items labelled with a D for desire. Once I finished labelling my list I was tasked with sharing it with someone I trust and they had to ask me why I labelled items as desires. I was able to clearly explain why they were desires and the person I shared with was incredibly supportive and excited for me. I felt on top of the world after writing it all out and sharing it. Being as competitive and willful as I am it helps to share things like this, goals, aspirations, and dreams. Once I tell someone I am going to do something it is easier for me to find a way to make it happen than it is to back down.

This has been a really interesting section for me, I haven’t really thought about anything like this since finishing school and hockey. Even before, my list was only: get a scholarship, play pro, have a family. Sitting down and really thinking about what I want to do with my life after going through all these changes was refreshing, revitalizing, and energizing. My next step is to start setting out five things I can do every day that will get me closer to the desires I listed. Looking at my desires, my five things for today could be: 1) Message Muay Thai trainer about prices/availability 2) spend 10 min online gun shopping 3) spend 10 min looking at hikes/adventures to go on with Mando and choose a weekend 4) Ask Dad if he would want to split costs of a Dirtbike and keep it at our acreage 5) Spend 20 min looking at travel costs and options for bringing Mando along.

I’m nervous but excited to share this list with you because now I can’t back down! 

Write you next week,

Esty

The Transition Game – Week 7

Welcome back!

Since last week I have completed the workbook portion of “Who Are You?”, have kept up with my gratitude practice, completing 3 lifts a week plus lots of rollerblading and hiking with my pup, spent as much time in the sun as I can, and have been reaching out to lots of old friends. I am feeling great and have even been able to support a few friends going through hard times which has been very rewarding.

I loved this lesson in the workbook, it was fun to reflect on where I came from, what made me who I am and put pen to paper to lay it all out clearly. In the book it says most people draw a complete blank when you ask who they are, I immediately wrote a page about who I am with no hesitation. That felt great, I can’t wait to see what my facilitator has to say about that and what I wrote. It speaks to how much better I have been feeling, if you asked me that question a couple of months ago I probably would have said “I don’t know, who cares, why are you asking me that?!”

Here is what I wrote:

“I am a hard-nosed Calgary kid who built my own success out of the willingness to do what others would not and the refusal to be intimidated by anyone. I am an animal lover and crazy dog man. I love rap, rock, tattoos, guns, motorcycles, and violent sports but I am highly sensitive and soft on the inside just like the men in my family before me. I am intense but also the biggest goofball man child in the world once you gain my trust. I am an only child but was never lonely, I made my friends my siblings and my Dad always laughed and called me a social butterfly. I am unique, weird, quirky however you want to put it but I have always loved and embraced it with no fear of being judged.”

I’m not sure if I did that right, but either way, it felt good to write, it felt good to remind myself of all these things. After I meet with my facilitator I will likely rewrite it, there is another section at the back for a second draft. I look forward to that as well.

Another task in my homework that had a big impact on me was after some readings I wrote notes about all the ups and downs in my life. Then I had to ask myself “why am I doubting myself, why would I do that”. Which I was already asking myself before getting halfway done with my notes. For starters, my ups list is three times as long as my downs list. Looking at the ups, the times I defied the odds, the way I impacted people around me. When I had a clear picture of who I was and believed in myself, I reached every single goal I set for myself. Yet, here I am after spending 20 years that way, doubting myself every day in every way. Insane. That’s the only way to describe it, it makes no sense. This work has been so eye-opening, it all seems so simple yet I was completely stumped and lost. I guess I just wasn’t asking the right questions or any at all.

The quote at the start of the lesson sums it up best. “Most of the shadows of this life are caused by standing in one’s own sunshine.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thanks for all the support, I hope through sharing my reflections you have been able to do some of your own!

Write you next week,

Esty

Resolution Requires Resolve: 5 Steps to Take

With the New Year comes new ideas, new hope and new resolutions. Every year our minds race with the thoughts and wishes for change in our lives. Out with the old and in with the new. The problem is and always has been that whenever we want to change, we often don’t know how to go about it. We know that we have to do things differently, but diving into the unknown is scary, like walking down a dark alley alone. We feel vulnerable, unsure and question our ability to do what we want to do.

There are some things that you must gain an understanding of to become the change that you desire. First and foremost is to understand that we are habitual creatures and the habit we are trying to change is something that we have done for a long time. Whether it is getting into shape, eating better, quitting smoking, or just living a more fulfilled life. The battle that you have chosen to fight requires commitment, or an even better word RESOLVE. The second thing we have to prepare for are those times where fear and doubt overtake us. We can start great, but resolutions are abandoned far too often within the first month. WHY? Because we are creatures of habit, this new endeavour requires a lot of thought, a lot of work and does not feel as good as we thought, or at least that is what we tell ourselves. Our MINDS are so powerful that we actually can feel helpless. Do you have what it takes to change that habit? Can you do this thing that you feel you need to do to improve yourself? The answer is YES, YOU CAN!

Here are some steps that will help you stay on track to make the change you feel will benefit you.

  1. We are very visual in our thinking. If we can’t see it, we feel we can’t do it. Create a picture board with words and images that help us attach to how it will feel when we are successful in making the change.
  2. Positive affirmations, create a sentence or two that you can repeat to yourself when you feel the fear and doubt creeping in. Something that when you repeat it to yourself makes you feel powerful.
  3. Try to find someone who can help you. Often we are making the change because of what someone has said to us. “You have to lose weight, don’t you want to feel better and be around longer?” Comments such as these make us aware but also create resentment and put our thoughts in a bad place. Find someone who will support you. Someone that will tell you that you are doing great. Encouragement empowers.
  4. Identify the things that could potentially stop you from being successful and decide how you will counter those thoughts with action. (If it is bad eating habits, then when you feel like eating a bag of chips, look at the picture board or repeat your affirmation and grab an apple or do sit-ups, take some deep breaths and focus on the new you.)
  5. BELIEVE! It is a simple case of MIND over Matter. If you don’t MIND, well, it won’t matter. THINK THINK THINK, keep good thoughts in your MIND.
    Gandhi said it best “be the change you want to see in the World”.

I know that you can do it, you have done it before and this time is no different. If you are not standing on the edge, you are taking up too much room. Push yourself and gain an understanding of the fact that you can do anything you put your MIND to.

Good luck to you all! I wish you a happy and successful 2021.

Bob Wilkie
President, I Got Mind Inc.